I love murder mysteries and crime novels. Whether the protagonist is trying to figure out who killed whom and why, or needs to unravel a corporate mis-deed, or has been handed a file box of cold cases, they must follow certain steps in order to solve the mystery. One of which, is to identify “the usual suspects.” Information is gathered from witnesses, hearsay, evidence, investigative precedence and theory and people or entities are brought in for questioning. The more questions asked, or intuitions followed, the more clues are revealed until a guilty party is fingered.
In my years working with weight loss patients, I always wondered about their back stories and how they ended up with so much extra weight. They had diverse backgrounds, different characteristics and many common “causes” for their physical condition. But each had a unique life experience. They gathered weekly to qualify for bariatric surgery by attending workshops designed to help them understand the “why’s and how’s” of their major weight gain. And like detectives they were asked to look at the usual suspects (junk food consumption, sedentary lifestyles, inadequate sleep, unhealthy coping skills etc.) Because none of these would be eliminated by the stomach shrinking surgery alone. It was a great tool but unless old habits changed, people were at risk of regaining everything they had lost.
In my health coaching experience with individuals, the same inquisitive approach applied, but we could more quickly delve into personal stories. “My husband likes to eat big meals.” “I’m too busy to meal prep.” “Eating healthy is too expensive.” “I’m a stress eater.” These are all valid reasons for which there are obvious solutions: “Serve yourself a smaller plate.” “Ask the family to help or get a meal delivery service.” “Let’s look at food budgeting.” “What are some other ways to manage stress?” I call this fishing for “red herrings” because it doesn’t go deep enough to address the underlying causes of habits.
This is where the detective work really begins, not only by asking deeper questions but by allowing intuition and permission to travel back in time to visit memories of food experiences. For example: “In my husband’s parents family, large meals were served because they never had enough food and wanted to make sure their own kids had enough to eat.” So we understand the husband’s meal habits; but how is the wife affected by his portion sizes? Surely, she can choose to eat less if she wants? “Well, it feels weird to serve him a large plate and myself a smaller plate; I’m afraid I’ll feel hungry.” So we delve deeper and then learn that in her own childhood, she wasn’t allowed to snack between meals so she would eat an adult size plate when served. Now with the habit of eating more than she needed for her health goals, she sought help to feel satisfied with less food and hoped the surgery would help.
Yes, bariatric surgery and even the new weight loss drugs do help people help curb physical appetite. However, over time, people tend to go back to the “scene of the crime.” We default to old habits during times of stress and even with a smaller stomach or smaller appetite anyone is at risk of relapsing if they don’t stay in touch with their feelings of hunger, fullness and satiety. Solving the mystery behind our relationship to food goes deeper than counting calories and exercising more. It begins with looking at family dynamics, culture, social messaging, access to healthy food, emotional eating, medications, hormonal and gut imbalances, how we socialize and reward ourselves with food, and our experience of stress, sleep and exercise. There may even be a part of us who feels safer in a bigger body or when wielding food as a weapon against others.
One of the things I love about the current “Reacher” series is how this big, burly ex military cop solves crimes. Yep, he’s strong and knows how to fight but more than that he thinks. He reflects. He examines characters and motives and solves mysteries by asking questions about human nature and what drives people to their choices. When we identify the “who’s” and “what’s” done it to our relationship to food, we can choose the big guns (surgery and medication) for fast results. And if we want to have long lasting peace of mind with our meals, we can also bring out the magnifying glass and get forensic.
Introduction to Mindful Eating Authentic Living Support
(An Inclusive Place for All Wellness Choices)
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Wednesday, September 10
6 - 7:30 pm PST
(Email coachbarbery@gmail.com or visit barberybyfield.com for more info and Zoom link)