Seconds
When "More" is Just Right
The day started out as usual with breakfast, writing for an hour, dish washing and cleanup routines flowing as they usually go. Then the list of “to do”’s unfurled into calls to make appointments, submit bank disputes, send flowers, order just the right lemonade for a gathering 3,000 miles to the North, organize a repair 3,000 miles to the West, connect with a friend for notes on a play, confirm travel/hotel/shuttle plans and then meet with my playwright’s group. Sprinkled in between the calls, wait times totaled an hour and a half of being reassured I was next in line, while I tried to wash dishes with a trickle of hot water. Then 15 minutes standing at the kitchen counter eating lunch followed by a laundry session and another hour of cleaning up my partners spontaneous carrot bread baking session. It was a very productive day that pushed back our regular swim time by 2 hours and we ended up in weekend traffic crawling to our ocean entry point as the sun curled into the horizon.
The wind had kicked up; the waves were rippling at the shore like hungry wide mouthed whales and we looked at each other with “Really?” arching our brows. This time of year the water is a bit cooler but the early afternoon sun offers warmth when we wrap up in our towels. Today, the air temperature was cooler, the shore was shaded and we prepared for the shock to toss us back out after a few seconds. At least we’d get our heart rates up for a moment. But somehow the underwater seascape offered enough allure and our thrashing arms enough blood flow that we plowed through the cresting waves without noticing any difference in water temperature. Our typical rainbow of fishes flashed back and forth through the curtains of seaweed and a flash of stingray graced my peripheral vision. But it was the lionfish that grabbed our attention. The first one of the season lay tucked into a rock crevice with black and white lace-y fins unfurled, waving in circles like a gymnast’s ribbon routine. My partner informs me those delicate fin tips are poisonous and responsible for major loss of marine life. I admire from a distance and stroked on.
Getting out was the wake up we expected as the cooler air snapped our skin and the breeze made me feel silly as I shivered. This is the Bahamas after all! It’s still 70 degrees! But my teeth were chattering and my hands shaking while my partner’s arm goose-bumped. We laughed at what weather wusses we’ve become and headed home, pleased with ourselves for “braving” the elements.
At dinner, after a hot shower, and feeling hungrier than usual I noted myself getting up for seconds of pasta with pesto and another baby back rib. I told myself that all that shivering had burned up energy that I needed to replace, which could have been true, but maybe it was that I also had not stopped moving and thinking the entire day. While my step count was down due to a sprained ankle, I was mentally traversing an entire continent with planning and organizing and trying to balance all the bases, while preparing for 6 weeks of pre-production for my first play 1,500 miles to the south. All within the 22 inch circumference of my head. I figured thinking also requires a lot of fuel.
Studies, however, do not support the idea that the more one thinks, the more energy one uses.* They do suggest, though, that we might feel more fatigued when doing what we perceive as hard tasks. Depending on the activity, a pleasurable few hours doing something we love (reading, cycling, watching a riveting movie etc.) does not leave us feeling as drained as spending the same number of hours taking the SAT or figuring out challenging problems. Science can’t (yet) prove that our brains have burned more calories with heavy duty thinking; but we can honor the “feeling” of fatigue that might follow. And here is where the idea of stress eating makes sense. Rather than finding a way to relax and recoup during a demanding time starved day, it’s easier (and more efficient) to pop a candy bar or protein smoothie to sooth the agitation that comes with overwhelm and exhaustion.
As I finished off my second plate of food (a rare occurrence), I was finally emptying my brain of the day’s mental machinations by focusing on the flavors and textures of the meal. I was mindful of being mindful while also surprised that I had made the choice to get more food than usual after a typical, no more or less busy, day. Whether it was the shivering or musings that felt so laborious, I had acted as so many humans do; I ate for a sense of replenishment and pleasure rather than to quell stomach hunger. And for once, that felt “just right.”
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*https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/thinking-hard-calories/
Love how this reframes seconds as self-awareness rather than indulgence. That distinction between what science proves and what we're allowed to honor is kinda underrated in wellness conversations. Giving yourself permission to eat for replenishment without guilt is a pracice most people struggle with. I've noticed when I ignore mental fatigue signals they just get louder through cravings later anyway, so responding early actually prevents the real spiral.