Our Digital Diets
Coming back to the table
At the local grocery store there’s a large bakery section right next to the sit down coffee stand. At one of the tables I noticed 3 young women seated with their drinks and pastries. One had a sleeping baby on her chest and all three were deeply entrenched in their phones, absorbed by their digital muses. As I walked by to the produce section I thought of this as the modern day version of our hunter-gather days where people sat around a fire after gorging on meat to discuss the next hunt. Survival depended on sharing information about sources of water, edibles, firewood and other life necessities. I’m guessing we also shared the inside scoop on our neighbors, the weather, each other’s health and any other information that could improve our chances of making it through difficult times. Perhaps the original “soap opera” was a group of women gossiping after a long day of surviving the elements; each of them imagining and learning from the highs, lows and in betweens of others’ lives. I wondered what, if anything, these three women shared from their glowing screens. Did they talk? Or was simply showing up enough to feel connected?
It's been said that we are becoming addicted to our daily drip of digital dopamine. Those bite size windows of comedy or disaster that awaken our sympathetic nervous system and trigger all sorts of flight, flee or freeze responses often feel more compelling than our lived experiences. My own social media consumption reminds me of junk food. I indulge when I’m feeling tired or bored or deserving of a reward for finishing a chore. When I find myself reaching for my phone it’s the same hunger that drives me to the sweet shelf in the refrigerator. Brain feeling fuzzy? Let’s find something funny on a feed. Mood dropping a couple of hours after a meal? Time for my chocolate hit. Getting ready to do some dreaded accounting? Only after I’ve grabbed my iced coffee, cookie AND favorite online comedian.
The thing is, none of these nibbles, virtual or victual, truly satisfies. They just wake up the appetite for more (hence my 15 minute limit reminder on phone distractions and thoughtfully portioned out sweets). These days I find more often than not I run over my limit or go back for chocolate seconds. And I realize it’s a solitary act. Today, I felt an empty unnameable longing and thought a walk in the rain would somehow smooth out the void. A few neighbors walking their dogs reminded me of my own back in LA who needed her monthly flea medication. So I called my son and reminded him. The timbre of his deep baritone voice instantly re-calibrated my focus back from “wandering mind” to the here and now of rain falling on leaves in big plops and thunder clapping overhead. Neither a cookie nor a meme would have nourished as well as that simple tribal tie.
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