“I’ve lost two pounds.” Without any context that’s a fairly benign statement. But in 2025, with close to half of the world’s population classified as “overweight” by the WHO,* it’s safe to say that more people are trying to lose than gain weight and the above statement would imply intentional effort, prompting a congratulatory response often followed by the query, “What are you doing?” However, when the loss is unintentional, as it is for many people for a variety of reasons, we may respond with concern and the question “What’s going on?”
I have never had a weight “problem.” I weigh the same now as when I was 16 but I definitely have had a food “problem.” After years of bulimia and my failed attempt to rebel against my mother through vegetarianism, I finally got off the binge eating bandwagon when she passed. I was 31 at the time and didn’t notice, however, that I then replaced food with alcohol and smoking as ways to manage life’s discomforts. No longer drawn to the grocery bag sized sugar binges, I had ironically taken on the same coping tools that caused my mother’s early death at 58. While I was getting my degree in Public Health no less!
I gave up the smoking when my daughter was 2 and looked me in the eye one day as she mimicked that two finger arc to the mouth with an imaginary cigarette in her hand. The drinking lasted another 20 years. Then, after the kids fl-ooped (flew the coop) I prepped for major surgery in 2020 and emptied my wine glass for the last time. Not long after, I retired and watched as a new reality took over the land. Then, I lost my appetite.
Without binging, drinking or smoking I found myself without any of my trusty coping tools. Exercise, meditation, practicing cello, therapy, keeping busy and socializing could not fill an empty space inside. Even friends and family support merely tickled at the edges of my shaky resolve. Without the scaffolding of child raising or career, I flailed. After a lifetime of trying to help others with their relationship to food I could not nurture my own. I envied those who find solace in their sweets or strength from their steaks. As my pants got looser, I wanted to want food. I craved craving. I desired desire.
The currently popular weight loss drugs work by dampening the dopamine response to food thoughts and eating. THC has the opposite effect of stimulating appetite and desire to eat. I knew that hormones and bio-chemistry were partly responsible for my erratic relationship to food and went back on anti-depressants. I made myself eat, prophylactically, to maintain an even energy level and support my mood. I switched therapists. I worked hard to find new community and purpose. I waited. And trusted that by nourishing my soul, my appetite would return. My pants would fill out again. My joy in eating would rebound and “losing it” would eventually lead to re-gaining self. It’s a work in progress, but yesterday I noted great disappointment when Trader Joe’s had run out of their Organic Elote Corn Chips. Desire has returned.
Introduction to Mindful Eating Authentic Living Support
(An Inclusive Place for All Wellness Choices)
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