Don't Hate me Because I'm Thin
It Doesn't Mean I'm Happy or Healthy
Back at the gym here in LA again this morning I revved up my heart-rate to get over the jet lagged culture shock of returning from a small Mexican town to this throbbing megalopolis that’s been my home since 1991. I had gotten into my groove of hobbling around the San Miguel cobblestone streets and tiny sidewalks with my orthopedic boot helping propel me over the uneven surfaces. There was a recumbent bike at a local gym that let me get aerobic every other day. And the body toning class all smiled as I clumped in for the weight training. My routine was as close to normal as I could get with a slowly healing fractured 5th metatarsal of the right foot and I was grateful that the injury had not completely disabled me. Some people say I live for exercise. I say I exercise for living. I love feeling fit, able and strong. And yes, long and lean as is my natural body type. I come from a line of tall slender women and never had a weight problem, even when I was in the binging throws of bulimia, partly because I always made sure to burn off extra calories by running, dancing, hiking, biking, doing yoga, lifting weights or doing aerobics. And partly because I never let the scale hit 5 lbs. over my baseline. Most eating disorders are about control and mine was no different.
Years ago I was at the gym doing my beloved thing, when a woman came up to me and said playfully, “How do you stay so thin, bitch?” I was taken aback and laughed, “Oh, I just love to exercise and watch what I eat.” “Well, I hate you” was her response and she walked off. A bit stunned, I went back to my routine reassuring myself it wasn’t my fault that I liked being active and also being thin and how I felt in my body. I hadn’t done anything to warrant her commentary so I discarded the event and continued living my best aerobically toned life.
When I was teaching lifestyle changes to patients awaiting bariatric (weight loss) surgery I often got the question, “Have you had the surgery?” usually from someone with their arms crossed defiantly across their chest. I knew they wondered if I could possibly relate to their lives carrying around anywhere from 50 - 250 extra pounds so I honestly responded, “No. And I never had extra weight so I don’t know what that’s like. But I did have an eating disorder for many years and do understand what’s it’s like to have a problem with food.” That always brought a series of nods and a release of tension as they accepted that I wasn’t there to judge or tell them what to do, but rather support their behavior changes if they chose to undertake them. In my Spanish speaking classes my nickname was always “Barbie” not only because of my name but because of my looks. I knew that I could never relate to the physical (social, psychological and cultural) challenges they faced, but I did know what it was like to battle with food addictions and thereupon we found common ground.
Back in the gym, here in Hollywood, where so many people depend on their physical looks for employment I feel a different motive behind the exercise grind. My patients wanted weight loss for better health. My fellow gym rats here look like they want better bodies to boost their chances of landing work. Or love. The three goals aren’t unrelated, but aiming to get thin and toned when one is already in the normal weight range, as I’ve always been, can be the product of compulsion rather than a desire to be healthier. Almost everyone has a grim look on their face, as if they’d truly rather be in bed or at the nearest cafe. A few look like they enjoy their endeavors: some are so blanked out it looks like the machines are doing all the work for them. I wonder how many leave the gym feeling restored, rejuvenated or even more relaxed as I often do. And I especially pay attention to the thin women to read their vibe, again wondering, are they happier for their effortful results?
We live in a culture that still venerates the slender body as a sign that the inhabitant is somehow more fit, intelligent, in control, resourced and committed to self-care. And those attributes are valued as signs of attractive/worthiness. The most recent Gallup poll (2025/26)* showed that 58% of women report a desire to lose weight and “psychological research compiled by organizations like NOW and published in journals like BMC Women’s Health cite that 69% to 84% of U.S. women prefer a silhouette smaller than their current one.”* I know that I am, for the culture in which I live, “lucky” to have a preferred body shape and I get why someone might envy me that good fortune. Or assume that food and I have always been friends. But physique does not reveal the owner’s state of corporal or mental health. My cholesterol is too high, my bones are too brittle and I’ve suffered major depression my entire adult life.
So when I continue to see thin women as the preferred body type in advertising, fashion, film, storytelling, gyms and health charts I am saddened that impossible ideals continue to make so many of us unhappy. A 2024 survey* showed American women often perceive their ideal weight as 139–144 lbs., though the average actual U.S. female weight is 170.8 lbs. Living in other countries where thin is not the ideal (More curves in Mexico and the Bahamas!) reminds me that cultural awareness can help us all accept and love ourselves as we are. May our mindful eye gazing in a mirror see reflected back our intrinsic human value as the most lovely of traits no matter the package size. And may we never assume to know the inner life of another just by reading their covers.
Introduction to Mindful Eating Authentic Living Support
(An Inclusive Place for All Wellness Choices)
Please check out our free weekly group
Wednesday, March 11, 2026
6 - 7:30pm PST
(Email coachbarbery@gmail.com or visit barberybyfield.com for more info)